I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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