i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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