please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
