Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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