If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
