Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
