I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
