CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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