Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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