You smell like stripper and shame
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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