As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she woke up with a sticky ear
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
