walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
