I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
