worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need to sanitize my soul.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
