so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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