So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
