i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
