she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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