I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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