How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
