ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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