God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
