He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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