Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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