1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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