That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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