If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it penis luge time yet?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
