honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
