will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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