I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
