I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
