If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
