I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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