Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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