I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
