We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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