we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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