Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
