I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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