I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
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My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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