walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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