fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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