i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
