I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
