dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
