around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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