R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You need Xanax blowdarts
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
