it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
