i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
