PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
