My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
