used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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