So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
