Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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