saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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