"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
