Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm sobbing to NWA
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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