Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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