I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
