Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Holy sore nipples Batman
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
